What did we do last night that was yellow?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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