I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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