well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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