I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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