Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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