So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
