Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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