i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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