he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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