drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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