This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
