one two three fourrrrnication!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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