I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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