:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
