I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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