He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
