the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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