I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
