you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
