dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Pooping to opera.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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