girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
