You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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