how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
