No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
