the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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