you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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