just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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