I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
