I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
