so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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