My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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