You just made me feel so damn special
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
