This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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