dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
