Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
