the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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