Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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