i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
