lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
