He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize