1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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