I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
