i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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