I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
