There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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