Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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