Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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