I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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