come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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