Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
