i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
