dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
