He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby