Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober

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  (407): Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober http://tfl.nu/epi9
  Replies (19) Good night (838) Bad night (2625)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.

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  (973): she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle. http://tfl.nu/83v8
  Replies (5) Good night (2439) Bad night (525)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.

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  (703): He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet. http://tfl.nu/muj7
  Replies (28) Good night (679) Bad night (6147)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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  (214): No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix http://tfl.nu/3cn5
  Replies (11) Good night (658) Bad night (3630)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.

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  (201): im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere. http://tfl.nu/ne04
  Replies (13) Good night (5147) Bad night (830)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

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  (561): I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in http://tfl.nu/qgu1
  Replies (12) Good night (4900) Bad night (1374)
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  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7545) Bad night (930)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.

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  (610): I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible. http://tfl.nu/74be
  Replies (9) Good night (4245) Bad night (938)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.

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  (724): You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame. http://tfl.nu/zyq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1905) Bad night (2930)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

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  (832): I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card http://tfl.nu/wrdz
  Replies (4) Good night (3204) Bad night (786)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

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  (515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (248)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.

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  (705): I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza. http://tfl.nu/7yan
  Replies (10) Good night (742) Bad night (308)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.

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  (541): Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back. http://tfl.nu/a3bg
  Replies (5) Good night (599) Bad night (278)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.

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  (303): Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk. http://tfl.nu/7e65
  Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (235)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage

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  (774): Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage http://tfl.nu/jljf
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (217)

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