Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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