I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
