You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize