I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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