were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
