you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
