Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
