im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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