Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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