I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
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I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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