can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
