You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
