Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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