So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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